Hey Sparklers! (Do we hate that? I might hate that. Jury’s out 😂)
Today on the podcast, I'm sharing a personal update on my 52 Dates Project – specifically focusing on what I've learned about myself through this journey so far. If you're new here, the 52 Dates Project is my commitment to get out of my comfort zone 52 times in 2025 – doing things that scare me once a week, from dating to taking classes, attending events solo, joining meetups, and more.
We're through Q1 of this year-long project, which feels like a good time to reflect on how it's going and what I'm discovering. This isn't about specific people I've dated (that's their business, not internet content), but rather about my own growth, patterns, and revelations.
What I've Learned About Myself
The biggest surprise has been recognizing the depth of trust I now have in my intuition. I've experienced moments where I knew something wasn't right for me, even when there wasn't anything "wrong" – and I honored that feeling instead of pushing it aside. That represents massive growth from where I was before.
I've also noticed interesting patterns in how I prepare for dates versus how I am when it's just me. Before dates, I find myself using self-tanner, being more mindful about foods that might make me bloated, and generally putting more effort into my appearance. This sparked important reflection: I deserve these efforts even when no one else is seeing me.
Self-care practices shouldn't be reserved just for dating – they're for me. I love feeling attractive, but I want to feel attractive for myself, not just for others. It's a delicate balance, and I'm working through it in real time.
How My Values Have Evolved
Through this process, I've actually revised my list of values for a potential partner. (For paid subscribers, I did a full episode on all 14 values – but here are three that have evolved recently.)
Someone who matches my enthusiasm for the world – A person who finds glimmers, who responds with similar energy, and who doesn't make me feel like I need to shrink or be less cheesy/enthusiastic.
Someone who wants to make a difference – Not just for themselves, but in the world. It's about having that empathetic perspective that extends beyond personal success.
Someone whose values, words, and actions I would be proud to introduce to my community – I don't want to have to make excuses for a partner or worry about how they'll represent the values that have built this community.
Having these clear values has been crucial as I navigate the feelings that come with dating. When you've been single for a while, the feeling of being desired can be intoxicating – almost making things confusing. My values list gives me a factual compass when emotions run high.
Tensions and Challenges
I've noticed some interesting tensions between independence and connection. After building my own routines and identity, I felt a slight panic when adjusting my schedule for dates. There's this fear of losing myself again, which I know is tied to past experiences where I completely lost my identity in relationships.
I also discovered I have a hard time verbalizing my thoughts in the moment – especially needs or preferences. I get overwhelmed by the fear of saying the wrong thing or having my words twisted (a pattern from the past). I know I need lived experiences to prove to my brain that there's a different, healthier way forward.
My Practices Going Forward
Here's what's working for me as I continue this journey:
Approaching everything as data collection – Staying curious about myself and others, without black-and-white thinking.
Maintaining my values list as a compass – Checking in with what I know is true for me when emotions run high.
Practicing speaking up about my needs – Even when it's difficult or uncomfortable.
Continuing self-care regardless of dating status – Remembering I'm worth the effort, even when no one else is looking.
Journal Prompts
If you're reflecting on your own relationship with yourself (dating or not), here are some prompts that might spark insight:
What self-care practices do I reserve only for special occasions, and what would it feel like to incorporate them into my regular routine just for myself?
When have I known something wasn't right for me but struggled to act on that knowledge? What helped me finally trust my intuition?
How do my values show up in my daily choices? Which values feel most authentic to who I am now versus who I was in the past?
What fear surfaces when I think about balancing independence with connection? What would help me feel more secure in maintaining my identity while being open to partnership?
In what ways have my past experiences shaped how I approach new relationships? What patterns am I committed to changing, and what strengths have I developed that I want to bring forward?
This Week's Glimmers
Recording in my new studio space at an artist co-op! After two years of working from my bedroom at my parents' house, having a dedicated workspace feels incredible.
My parents visiting the studio and my mom bringing flowers from our garden – a sweet reminder of growth happening, even when day-to-day change feels imperceptible.
A friendly conversation with someone while DoorDashing – those little human connections during what can be solitary work.
Finally getting into book three of an audiobook series, despite not loving the narrator's voice – the story has pulled me in!
My dog Theo's accidental "antenna ear" as I was leaving the house – his usually floppy ear standing straight up in the cutest way 👇
I'd love to hear from you if you're also navigating dating after healing. How's your experience been? What are you learning about yourself? It can be challenging to discuss without revealing details about others, but I'd love to hear your reflections.
Remember that healing is an ongoing process – there's no endpoint where we're "done." We're always growing and learning, and that's beautiful (annoying, but beautiful).
Until next time, keep seeking the sparkles!
Emma
P.S. If you're interested in joining our deeper community conversations, become a paid subscriber to join the Sparkle Circle for $6/month.
You'll get extra podcast episodes, live co-working sessions twice weekly, and even a special bookmark (shipping soon!). It's a more intimate space than social media where we can process our journeys together.
P.P.S. My book "Daily Sparkles: Illuminate Your Life with 1,000 Glimmers" is out now! It's currently on sale at Target and Amazon for under $11, and also available at Barnes & Noble and local bookstores through bookshop.com. Book tour details coming soon!
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